I lay in bed staring at my ceiling for ages. Kalian wasn’t joking when he said I’d understand why he had so much difficulty explaining the Enlightenment.
There is no way to explain it. I also have no clue what it means. I’m sure Kalian said it was supposed to bring me clarity, but it did anything but that for me.
It was more like a jumbled mess of feelings. Some felt like they were my own, where as others weren’t. It involved people in my life and ghosts from dreams.
Kalian said not to think of it like my dreams, which was easy enough. My dreams had clarity. They depicted events, despite how impossible or unlikely the events may seem; or how little I understood what they meant. They were still some form of event.
This was nothing like that at all. But I’m driving myself nuts going around in circles trying to make some sense of it. Today’s my birthday, and I’m certainly not going to let this elusive Enlightenment put a damper on it.
Fifteen attempts. Fifteen! I’m appalled at myself. Sure I managed to project some emotions to him in the end, but not enough to completely replace the anguish.
I’m in bed staring at my ceiling wondering how I’m ever going to learn to have full control over my abilities. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do.
Kalian had decided that we’d made good progress once he was able to feel my emotions. It felt like a weak win to me. I’d hoped to be good at this. Not sure why I figured it would be any different to anything else in my life.
I don’t make any attempt to eliminate or focus my thoughts before falling asleep.
I’m stood in the forest of Eytherfel. I spot three identical boys are playing piggy-in-the-middle.
The girls are waiting for me in the courtyard when I arrive at school.
“Are you okay Amanae? We didn’t know what to do after the scene at the lake,” Sylaera says.
I nod, “I’m fine, Jordan’s fine, it’s all okay. Don’t worry.”
“What did Kalian do with the boys?”
I think back to the events of the last couple of days. “He’s sentenced them all to counselling to deal with their emotions.”
“He did what?!” Nyoro voices the astonishment that is clearly on the face of all three of them.
It’s morning when I wake up and I sit up in a panic; I can’t believe I had left Jordan alone, with Mailian. How could I do that?! What have I done? I realize that I’m in my jammies and am under the covers – I don’t remember getting changed. The last thing I remember was lying with Caelsah as exhaustion overcame us both.
I run my fingers through my hair. A movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention. I look over to see Jordan asleep on a couch – it’s one of the ones from the entertainment room.
‘Mom?!’ I’m worried about when Jordan had arrived in my room.
‘It’s ok sweetheart, he was asleep on the couch downstairs when Caelsah came downstairs. Caelsah and your dad carried the couch up to your room with him on it – it was Caelsah’s suggestion.’
I sigh with relief.
“Amaera, watch out!” Cymah yells at her.
Instinctively she raises her hands up to ward off whatever was bound to hit her, like that would do any good. But she’d been so distracted by an overwhelming sense of there being something wrong with Amanae that she didn’t have time to do anything else.
She closes her eyes and braces herself for the inevitable pain, since Korali insists that her training sessions take place with real weapons. He claims that it will ensure that she takes her training more seriously. While there’s little risk of her sustaining any permanent injuries, the pain is very real and often the healing remedies are even more painful.
When the pain doesn’t follow she opens her eyes to find Cymah staring at her incredulously. She looks at the throwing knife embedded in the ground just a few feet from her.
“What happened?” she asks, confused at why Cymah would have been shouting so urgently about a knife that clearly wouldn’t reach her.